Tuesday, April 13, 2010

An Open Addiction

I have an addiction. A rather strong one too. It's so strong that even though I've been feeling for weeks now that I need to blog about it, and even listened to a Bible study about it, I have avoided doing so. Finally tonight, I blog about it in hope that once it is public, I can be held accountable for my addiction.

It all started back in June, only a month after Meridian was born. I took the girls to our local parade which is  always a highlight of my year. Typically they throw candy out at parades and this year was no different. Now I am NOT a candy person. Sure I will have a candy bar here or there, but sweets do not generally appeal to me.

That is why my addiction would almost be comical, were it not just that, an addiction. I sat on the side of the road as all the cars, firetrucks, etc. drove by throwing candy and then someone threw out this:

Yes my dear blog readers, I am addicted to Tootsie Rolls! Laugh all you want because at first I did too. That is until I realized that I was buying (or having Chris) buy big bags of them once a week. 400 Tootsie Rolls in one bag and I would take only about a week or two to go through it. Of course Chris would have some here or there, and ultimately Zoelle got some as well, but I did *gulp* eat the majority of them. At $5 a bag, it hasn't been a wise use of our money either! I have a pit in my stomach just reading that. Yuck!

Seriously, it grosses me out thinking of all the things in Tootsie Rolls that aren't good for me, yet somehow, over time, it has become an addiction. At first it was only a handful here or there, but then it evoloved to me eating them every time I was stressed or upset.

In my mind, I've tried to justify and rationalize my addiction and I've been known to say thing like, "Well, at least it's not as bad as eating a candy bar everyday!". Yet it is! It's not healthy, it's fake, and I am well...addicted! Or I have found myself saying, "I can go for weeks without any, so I'm not addicted." And while that is true, as many weeks (or sometimes a month), I'll go without any, I always come back to them when I am stressed.

As silly as it is, somehow I don't think that is where God wants me to go when I'm stressed. I know each of us struggle with our own private addictions and the best way to break them is to get them out in the open. To be held accountable for our actions. Even just writing this out has made me seriously think about the amount of nasty corn syrupy filled Tootsie Rolls I have eaten and money I have wasted!

So, I'll start...I'm Vanessa and I'm addicted to all things Tootsie Rolls!

Your Turn: Do you have an addiction that is hidden? Silly or serious? I'd love to hear about it and how you've gotten over it if you are willing to share.

As for me, I am slowly going to rid myself of my addiction. I know from past experiences, that getting rid of them cold turkey will not help. So I will slowly limit myself (with Chris' help) and get rid of them. Already, I think just writing this and reading this has made me not want to touch another Tootsie Roll ever!


  1. Hahahaha, you are so precious. :) And so right, while Tootsie Rolls aren't terrible by themselves, if we find anything being our first stop before the Lord when we are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain bored, then we do need a paradigm shift. ;)

    For me, it used to be dark chocolate. I would actually buy bags of dark Hershey kisses, or dark Dove promises, and I would hide them from my hubby. I didn't want him to know how many I was eating, but honestly - it hurts to admit this - I didn't want to share! So embarrassing. Then I switched to something a little less obvious on the grocery receipts: semisweet chocolate chips, straight out of the bag. Because it was a food issue for me, I simply switched what I was putting in my mouth - every time I felt like I wanted a piece of chocolate, I'd drink a glass of water or Kool-Aid, chew a piece of gum, or go brush my teeth. Most of my chocolate eating was really boredom, or just craving. But the mint taste in my mouth from gum or toothpaste really knocked that craving out!

    Honestly, you may have noticed that I've been super online-quiet the past few weeks, and that's because I've been realizing how much time I spend...WASTE online. I'm working on a post about it. I realized one day that I was feeling jumpy and antsy, and it's because I hadn't had a chance to check my email because my hubs was working on the computer. NOT good if you're having withdrawal symptoms from something! LOL. :) So I've been spending the past 2 weeks really thinking and praying through a lot of issues, and I'm working on a post about it. Because for me, writing my own blog is not what keeps me on the computer - it's reading a million other blogs, playing on facebook 30 times a day, playing in the PR...

    But regardless, that's my addiction. And I guess you can read more about it in the next week or so, when I get that post finished. :)

  2. I appreciate your honesty Lauren and Vanessa. I'm a huge time waster on the internet too, especially when DH is away and I'm bored. Definitely need to be in prayer about that one.

  3. Lauren-I have noticed you have been quiet and I've missed you, but yet I understand the need to take a break as well. Thank you too for sharing how you got over your chocolate addiction. It honestly helps (as silly as it sounds) to know that I am not alone. I look forward to reading your post about it! :)

    Andrea-I have the same problem of wasting time online when DH is gone. Otherwise, I honestly don't have much time to be on. But the Tootsie Rolls, again as funny as it is, are still a problem. :( You would think after almost a whole year with them I would get sick of them, but I don't.

  4. Happy Saturday Sharefest !!! You are absolutely Darling. We are also in the middle of the adoption process. Tootsie Rolls are fat free. I don't like the little ones. I like the ones that are long and divided into bite size sections. My real addiction though, is cereal...specifically, Lucky Charms. I simply had to follow.

  5. Oh Maggie, you are my best friend ever!! I got a huge laugh out you describing to me your favorite ones!! I have to say I like the long ones too, but somehow those tiny ones have gotten to me more. Oh and thank you for the reminder that they are fat free, that makes me feel better! ;)

    If it makes you feel better, I love Lucky Charms too. Especially loved them when I was pregnant with my second child!

    Thanks for stopping by! :)


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