Sometimes I don't feel very Christian. As much as I want to be the "perfect" Christian, I know I'm not. Not only do I not feel Christian, I often don't act Christian.
For instance, today is Easter and while I would love to say I spent the whole day focused on Christ and what He did for me, because of me, I know that realistically I did not. Don't all gasp now, come on and admit that many times, we all fake it . I know I have and I'm not proud of it, yet I still often do.
We "Christians" go around with smiles on our faces and declare that we are doing great, praise God. Yet, all the while many of us are broken inside, hiding in our sin, living one life at home and another at church. How many of us have been screaming at our kids only for the phone to ring and we quickly change our voices to a happy hello? How many of us get in that fight with our husbands right on the way to church and then somehow when we walk through those church doors, we grab for our husbands hand and we act like we have the perfect marriage. All in the name of Christianity.
I've been guilty of it and I'm sick of it. I don't want to be that Christian. That Christianty is the one in which non-Christians are turned off. Oh how sad I am to know that those around me have looked into my life from afar (or possibly even close-up) and decided not to follow Him because of me. Because I chose to fake it rather than be real. Because ultimately my pride, my shame of exposing me was too great of a price.
To admit that I've failed, I've faked it, I've sinned is not wrong. It's why He died for me. It's going to take guts at times to not fake it, to be real at home and in public, but I'm broken and I want to no longer be that Christian.
How about you? Would you like to quit faking it and show others around you the real you?