Sunday, April 4, 2010

I'm no longer "that" Christian

Sometimes I don't feel very Christian. As much as I want to be the "perfect" Christian, I know I'm not. Not only do I not feel Christian, I often don't act Christian.

For instance, today is Easter and while I would love to say I spent the whole day focused on Christ and what He did for me, because of me, I know that realistically I did not. Don't all gasp now, come on and admit that many times, we all fake it . I know I have and I'm not proud of it, yet I still often do.

We "Christians" go around with smiles on our faces and declare that we are doing great, praise God. Yet, all the while many of us are broken inside, hiding in our sin, living one life at home and another at church. How many of us have been screaming at our kids only for the phone to ring and we quickly change our voices to a happy hello? How many of us get in that fight with our husbands right on the way to church and then somehow when we walk through those church doors, we grab for our husbands hand and we act like we have the perfect marriage. All in the name of Christianity.

I've been guilty of it and I'm sick of it. I don't want to be that Christian. That Christianty is the one in which non-Christians are turned off. Oh how sad I am to know that those around me have looked into my life from afar (or possibly even close-up) and decided not to follow Him because of me. Because I chose to fake it rather than be real. Because ultimately my pride, my shame of exposing me was too great of a price.

I don't want to be that Christian anymore. The one who goes around pretending things are perfect. Who says, "bless you" and "hallelujah" just for the sake of looking Christian. Instead I want to be real. For God sees me, He knows what goes on in my home, He knows every thought my mind has and knows the direction of my heart.

To admit that I've failed, I've faked it, I've sinned is not wrong. It's why He died for me. It's going to take guts at times to not fake it, to be real at home and in public, but I'm broken and I want to no longer be that Christian.

How about you? Would you like to quit faking it and show others around you the real you?


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  2. I came to this realization when I was in my early 20's. While I can't say that I haven't fallen back into the facade at times, it is so freeing and awesome to be able to be real. I'm excited for you and what this true freedom in Christ will do in your life and in your family's life! Woohoo and bless you! :) :)

  3. Awesome post! I could have written it myself. I am with you, i'm ready to be real as God knows who we really are.

  4. Wow, I applaud you for writing this! I think it takes a lot of faith, guts, and whatnot to say this and to do this!

    I'll admit here, that I have found myself pulling away from Christianity. I still very much believe in the core values, but just so much that disheartens me. I have run into a lot of fake people, but I am pleased to say that there are the REAL people who I've genuinely been touched by. It's harder to admit faults and still keep the faith, something that just really awes me!

  5. Crayon-I emailed you! :)

    TR-That is where I am at right now, trying to figure out how not to fall back into that facade. Also, are people really ready to face the real me?

    Steph-Yay! Hope I can follow your journey as well! :)

    Rabidewok-It did take some guts to write that and fear has set in a bit that I can actually "live" up to it and still be real. What if people don't really want honesty? I'm so sorry so much of it disheartens you. I can definitely understand why. I'm trying to change any fakeness in me so that I'm not that person to you or others! :)

  6. I've only been a "Christian" for two years (this month!) and during that time I have had so many struggles. In the previous sixteen years before I became a Christian (when I was a pagan) I was overwhelmed by the Christians that I saw around me who seemed to have it all, or at least thought they did. I saw laying on of hands, speaking in tongues, all the gifts of the spirit which frankly frightened me. And it struck me, during that time, how "fake" Christians were, how dull.

    Now I do less judging of the condition of another person's heart, but I know that friends have confessed to me that they go through periods of feeling lukewarm. I can relate, to a certain extent, though I'm more likely to go cold.

    I didn't celebrate Easter at all, but that has a lot to do with my history as a pagan. I know the root origins of the symbolism used during this time period and am dedicated to celebrating Passover next hear, though I may throw in something for the Resurrection, provided that it isn't named after a pagan goddess ;)

    None of us are perfect. If we were, we wouldn't need a Messiah ;)

  7. Rebecca-What an interesting perspective you have. :) Thank you so much for sharing. At one point in my Christian walk, I too was scared of speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, etc. And I used to judge whether or not a person was sincere in that. Now, like you, I do less judging and leave it between God and them. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts on it! :)


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