Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of you! A year ago, I never thought this day would come so quickly. Yet here it is and as I read over that post of what I wanted for this past year, I realize that I did accomplish it to a degree, but I know in my heart that I can do better. I'm praying I get that chance this year.

Last year on this day, my Grandpa died. That spurred in me a desire to truly know those around me. It also encouraged me to be more real; like honest, raw real with others. Which also meant being raw on this blog.

This past year has been quite a journey...

I talked about how I was bored with Christianity. I talked about politics, which is something I said I would never, ever blog about. I also went out on a limb and said that Christianity cannot be contained in a little labeled box.

I talked more in length about our adventures in cloth diapering. I participated in my first ever blog party where I first quietly mentioned my views on spanking.

I shared my 5 Tips For Tandem Breastfeeding or Breastfeeding while Pregnant. I celebrated birthdays and a first haircut. 

I talked about what real love meant. I experienced a 5 day long nursing strike and was relieved when she started nursing again.

My scariest, most raw moments as a blogger came just this past December in which I finally opened up about my journey into Gentle Parenting. 

Through it all, you have been there to love on me, encourage me, and support me. I am so grateful and each day I feel that love.

I'm looking forward to 2012 with you and I hope that I can continue to show that love through being open and real with all of you!!

Hopefully back to normal!

I'm back! After literally non-stop craziness in my house the last few weeks, I am hoping for some normalcy! Two blizzards later, not seeing my husband for days on end, both of our vehicles breaking down, my grandpa passing away, trying to find a vehicle to borrow to get to the funeral, me experiencing a child (Z) having the flu for the first time ever in 3.5 years of parenting, our borrowed vehicle having to be fixed as the tires were shot, and finally spending a long evening in the ER after Zoelle dislocated her elbow....I am ready for normalcy!

 I'm pretty sure that in three weeks, the only positive experience we truly have had is Xiomara's Finalization. I was feeling very down and wondering why life seemed to hit me all at once, when God literally had a friend post this as her facebook status:


Psalm 34:19-20


The righteous person may have many troubles,


but the LORD delivers him from them all;


he protects all his bones,


... not one of them will be broken.
 
What is even cooler though is that she was thinking of me when she posted it as her status and I happened to log onto facebook right after she did. I realized that God was telling me something and so I started declaring His goodness over our family. Is life going to be perfect from here on out? Probably not, but at least I know that God is with us and that I am not in this craziness alone.
 
 

 
I'm craving the new normalcy...however that looks to God...I'm ready for it!
 
*Pictures taken on my phone while waiting in the ER.

Confession: I didn't want to write this post.

In case you think my life is all about "farting rainbows and unicorns", it isn't. Often people will comment or say things to me in reference to my life being perfect, or how I'm always happy. Let me tell you right now: I'm not perfect and I'm not always positive.

This winter has been an extremely trying winter for me and I'm only a little over a month into it. The possibility of more snow makes me feel sick. Like crawl in a hole, or under the covers and hide sick. I don't do well with little to no sun, and I don't do well being stuck inside a small house with three little girls all day everyday. Typically, my husband can be home more in the winter. For the second winter in a row though, he has decided to help a friend with snow removal to make some money on the side. Which is all he has been doing since the end of November it seems. However, since Thursday night I have hardly seen him as we had two back to back blizzards that brought us two feet of snow.

Needless to say, the last few days I've felt pretty crabby. I had snow up to my back door yesterday and it was to the point that even if I wanted to go somewhere (which I didn't), I couldn't. I didn't like that feeling of being locked in my own home with my husband away for over 12 hours moving snow on a holiday in which I thought he would be here.

And then at 8 p.m., just hours after I posted about life being so short, I got a call from my dad. At first I thought he accidently called me with his cell phone as all I could hear in the background were voices. But as he began talking, I remember thinking, "Either he has a cold or something is majorly wrong". I should have known then. My Grandpa Ellard had died. And I didn't get to say goodbye.

Grandpa and Grandma Meeting Zoelle for the first time.

I'm the type of person that asks questions when I know someone died. It's hard for me to think about the fact that yesterday at this time, Grandpa was still alive. "Did he know he was going to die?", "Did it hurt for him?" "After 70+ years of living, it's over just like that?" "Why didn't I call them today when I thought of them?" "Why did I have to run my 5K and not participate in my family's family Christmas with them?" I'm extremely analytical and think through everything. It seems that is all I could do last night is think, cry, and ask questions. I wanted to blog, but I just couldn't. Blogging would make it real that he was gone. A thought I still can't comprehend. What will life be like without Grandpa? I can't even imagine life without him and Grandma together!

 Grandpa meeting Xiomara. This would be the last time I would see him.

My sister blogged so much more beautifully then I ever could about him, but I did want to share a few thoughts about Grandpa that I so loved.

My sister and I were the oldest grandchildren for many years. In fact, the next youngest grandchild was six years younger than myself. Growing up, we were very spoiled by them. However, I don't think it was any secret that my sister, being the first grandchild, was favored by my Grandma. I think Grandpa knew that and when no one was looking, Grandpa would often give me a special treat or make a funny little joke that he knew would instantly wipe my tears off my face.

Grandpa was also a heavy smoker. He always kept his cigarettes in one area of their kitchen. I remember one day going over to those cigarettes and Grandma saying to me, "Vanessa don't you touch those cigarettes, those are your Grandpa's favorites.". All I knew about cigarettes at that time was that they were bad for me and anyone else who smoked, so I responded, "Aren't they all the same? Gross?" Grandpa with a twinkle in his eye started laughing winked at me and said, "I suppose you are right".

Grandpa also snored very loud. I remember once as a kid pretending to snore like Grandpa did and Grandpa just laughing about it. He was a good sport about his loud snore! :)

My last memory of my grandpa I have is the one I think all of us have, him driving away doing his finger pointer wave to us with a big smile on his face. It's a memory I'll never forget.

I love you Grandpa! I'll miss you. I can't imagine life without you.

I will probably be taking a break from blogging this week as I prepare and go to my Grandpa's funeral. I do have one post I have to put up for a company tomorrow, but outside of that, I probably will not blog (unless I remember to do my Wordless Wednesday).

*I can't find any pictures of Meridian with Grandpa. :( If any of my family has one, I'd really appreciate it.