Friday, October 12, 2012

When life gets real...

Something about the change in seasons makes me turn quiet and reflective inside. I have so much I want to say but I can't seem to figure out how to voice it.

I'll be honest. I'm scared. I hate winter. I really, really, really struggle with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and when you live where one has long, cold, snowy winters, it is pretty much impossible to avoid. It doesn't help that last winter was gorgeous, warm, and rarely snowed. While I appreciated it then, it does set me up to be a bit nervous for what this winter could hold.

When did my baby get so old?!?

One thing I am thankful for is a new house with lots more space for playing, and lots of windows to let in natural sunlight!

Since we were so spoiled last year with a long fall and gorgeous winter, the change in seasons from summer to fall, hit me really hard this year. I feel like a part of me kind of shuts down and as hard as I try, I just can't seem to change. I've prayed, I've begged God, I've tried my best to be positive going into winters, but I still struggle. I do pretty well through Christmas, but it is January on that is hard for me as it is cold, snowy, and seemingly endless. It gets really long!

Always hammin' it up for everyone!

Another reason I believe I'm struggling right now is because the kids have either picked up on my attitude or they miss being able to play outside all the time. Because their attitudes have completely changed. Please note, when one tells her husband she feels like having three kids in three years really isn't that hard and that she isn't overwhelmed at all, that my friends is when chaos ensues. And chaos it has been. Pulling hair, biting, pushing, screaming (oh my goodness the screams three little girls can make), scratching, and tattling.

Yep, let's just say that life is not all rosy here at the moment. And let's just say I'm a big, fat, liar. I am so completely overwhelmed!

My heart skips a beat with her smile!

But you know what? I'm learning that is ok. It's ok for it not to be perfect. A little adjusting, a little change in activities needed, a little lot of love needed. Grace given, grace received. Somehow through it all, we are learning to lean on each other, show love, give grace. Somehow, I think I am the one who needs to see it the most.

In this season of fall, where all around me everything is dead. I need to see His grace, His love in my life and in theirs. God's giving me little glimpses, through the pouty lip kisses, through the tantrums, in the quiet moments of reading together. He is there. Showing me His love for them, for me, and reminding me that I will get through this next season.

In the meantime, we may just have a lot more of these pictures! :)


  1. Hang in there Vanessa. I know how much you hate winter. :(

    1. Thanks Salena! Who knows? Maybe I am worrying for no reason and it will be another beautiful winter! :)

    2. Thanks Salena! Who knows? Maybe I am worrying for no reason and it will be another beautiful winter! :)

  2. i can't imagine how you feel. i am always in awe of moms on the mainland that have to keep their kids INSIDE. our weather is getting weird already. normally our huge 20-40 foot waves dont come till the winter, but they are here already. strange. i'm praying for you. or you can come visit and we'll have 7 kids under 5 killing each other

    1. Thanks for praying! I think I should come visit, I mean who cares if they are all going insane, at least us mamas get a break! ;)


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