Tuesday, October 30, 2012

{Just Write}

In my sleep induced haze, I step on the scale. That too high number flashes back at me and I feel the tears start to form and soon my cheeks are wet. Before I know it, a swear word slips from my mouth.


I never swear, but today I'm mad. Mad that my body doesn't want to do what it's suppose to do. Mad that I have to struggle with this when I work so hard. Mad that I eat right, I exercise, I drink about 100 ounces of water a day and my weight still doesn't go down. Mad that I've been on thyroid meds and they haven't done a damn thing for me. Mad that I can't be like others whose weight just effortlessly falls off of them. Mostly, I'm mad that two years ago I was in a healthy range and for some reason my body stopped working with me.

The tears won't stop.

I go about my day making gluten free bread, doing laundry, and teaching school. We take a break to decorate little pumpkins with markers. The utter joy on their faces brings a smile to mine.

I don't want them to see or feel this struggle inside me. I want them to know, that no matter what, they are beautiful. That healthy isn't a number on a scale, but rather a lifestyle. Yet I find myself asking how? Until I live it myself, they won't see it modeled.

Thus I'm determined to change. My attitude. My life. Their lives. I have no idea where to begin, but I will do it. So that even if that number on the scale never goes to where I want it to, I'm still living and demonstrating a healthy life for them and for myself. So that they can realize you have to love yourself first before change can begin.

The tears dry, the stains remain, but in their place is a steely determination to do what is right. To stop the obsession, stop the worry, and just live.

Just Write

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

{Almost} Wordless Wednesday: East and West

I'm blessed to live where I can see a view to the west like this:

And a view to the east like this:

All on the same night!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Noonday Collection Review

I readily admit I am not much of a jewelry girl. I actually always just wore the same pair of small diamond stud earrings, my wedding ring, and one of about three gold necklaces I owned. That is until a few years ago when I realized that wearing jewelry can really "dress" a person up and can be fun. As a mama of three girls, I've struggled at times to still look young and cute. However, I've found that wearing jewelry really seems to help (or at least it does for me).

My friend Sarah contacted me awhile ago about a wonderful company called Noonday Collection. At first, I figured it was just another jewelry company. But in fact, they aren't just that. While they do sell jewelry, they also sell things like bags, scarves, and aprons.

But this review is not about what they sell.

Instead, it's really about what is behind the jewelry, scarves, bags, and more. As an adoptive mama, one of the hardest things I ever did was walk away from Xiomara's birth mom. In fact, I blogged about it on our adoption blog shortly after Xiomara was adopted. Chris and I have talked numerous times about how ideally if every woman who is pregnant and considering adoption had a stable job, there would be a lot less orphans in this world. I love adoption, but ultimately, with adoption comes loss. Loss for a birth mom, loss for the child. It leaves a gap in not just one life, but two. Noonday was started as a way to bridge that gap. You can read all about their story, but essentially the goal of the company is to provide jobs to women, so that they have a stable income to support their family. With a stable income, they are less likely to be forced to abandon their child. I fully support a company that is out there doing something to help other moms like Xiomara's!

I got the pleasure of receiving the violet necklace and bengali earrings. The necklace itself was made in Uganda and the earrings in India. One of my favorite parts of the website is that each item has a story behind who made it. In addition to the necklace and earrings, I was able to actually go to a trunk show that my friend Sarah had, and there I purchased the violet horn bracelet, which is also made in Uganda.

All three pieces are beyond beautiful! Not only are they beautiful, but they are also stylish! Another bonus is that they are quality made. One of my biggest fears with the earrings, were that they were going to be too heavy. My ears are sensitive and I can't handle much weight on them. However, I hardly noticed they were there. In fact, I was shopping in a store and a lady said to me, you look cute. I must have given her a confused look because she clarified saying she loved my earrings! I had forgotten they were even on!

Where To Buy

My friend Sarah is an ambassador for Noonday in the hopes that her and her daughter can raise money to go to Haiti and minister at the orphanage where her son was adopted from! What an awesome reason to support this company. Check out the full collection from Noonday here!

Also, as an adoptive mom, I wanted to make sure I mention that Noonday allows an ambassador who is adopting, to put a portion of their money earned toward their adoption. How I wish I had this option when we were adopting!

Overall, I am extremely impressed in this company, the jewelry, and the fair-trade they stand for! Think Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, or just a way to come together and support fellow women!

*The featured product(s) in this post were provided for me by the company. I was not compensated in any way. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and not influenced in any way by anyone.

Friday, October 12, 2012

When life gets real...

Something about the change in seasons makes me turn quiet and reflective inside. I have so much I want to say but I can't seem to figure out how to voice it.

I'll be honest. I'm scared. I hate winter. I really, really, really struggle with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and when you live where one has long, cold, snowy winters, it is pretty much impossible to avoid. It doesn't help that last winter was gorgeous, warm, and rarely snowed. While I appreciated it then, it does set me up to be a bit nervous for what this winter could hold.

When did my baby get so old?!?

One thing I am thankful for is a new house with lots more space for playing, and lots of windows to let in natural sunlight!

Since we were so spoiled last year with a long fall and gorgeous winter, the change in seasons from summer to fall, hit me really hard this year. I feel like a part of me kind of shuts down and as hard as I try, I just can't seem to change. I've prayed, I've begged God, I've tried my best to be positive going into winters, but I still struggle. I do pretty well through Christmas, but it is January on that is hard for me as it is cold, snowy, and seemingly endless. It gets really long!

Always hammin' it up for everyone!

Another reason I believe I'm struggling right now is because the kids have either picked up on my attitude or they miss being able to play outside all the time. Because their attitudes have completely changed. Please note, when one tells her husband she feels like having three kids in three years really isn't that hard and that she isn't overwhelmed at all, that my friends is when chaos ensues. And chaos it has been. Pulling hair, biting, pushing, screaming (oh my goodness the screams three little girls can make), scratching, and tattling.

Yep, let's just say that life is not all rosy here at the moment. And let's just say I'm a big, fat, liar. I am so completely overwhelmed!

My heart skips a beat with her smile!

But you know what? I'm learning that is ok. It's ok for it not to be perfect. A little adjusting, a little change in activities needed, a little lot of love needed. Grace given, grace received. Somehow through it all, we are learning to lean on each other, show love, give grace. Somehow, I think I am the one who needs to see it the most.

In this season of fall, where all around me everything is dead. I need to see His grace, His love in my life and in theirs. God's giving me little glimpses, through the pouty lip kisses, through the tantrums, in the quiet moments of reading together. He is there. Showing me His love for them, for me, and reminding me that I will get through this next season.

In the meantime, we may just have a lot more of these pictures! :)