Friday, May 25, 2012

A post of randoms

I'm at my mom's house this morning, so I'm able to blog and use the Internet for a bit. It feels good to be back in the land of the living. We have been at our new house for close to two weeks and it still doesn't quite feel like home. Instead I feel like I'm living in a stranger's house, or a hotel. We are all unpacked, well except for a few things in the garage. But now we have a host of things we would like to do to fix up the house. Nothing needs to be done right now, but if  you know my husband and I at all, you know we like to have everything put away in it's place and complete right away. We are going to have to give that up in order to just relax a bit and enjoy life at our new home. When I was a child, I had a picture in my room that said, "Home is where the heart is", I'm working really hard on that being the case here, but I miss the "normal" and I'm struggling a bit with the change. The girls on the other hand seem to be doing great with the change and move, which is a blessing.

Image via Google Images

Speaking of the girls, yesterday they got a day with Grandma and my younger siblings so that way I could go with Chris to the big city, get my hair cut, do some shopping, and just have a date day with him. It was wonderful and the girls had a great time with all their aunts/uncle from my side of the family.

Obligatory cell phone pic of my new haircut. This is the shortest it has been in years!

Tomorrow is a big day for me, I am attending my 10 year high school reunion. It is hard to believe it has been 10 years, but it really has. I feel like SO much has happened in my life in 10 years. I graduated from college, married Chris, had three babies, amongst everything else in my life. Sometimes I feel years older then many of my fellow classmates who are just now getting married or just starting having a family. I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world though and I am truly looking forward to tomorrow and reconnecting with many of my classmates.

Now I'm off to enjoy the rest of today and get ready for tomorrow. Enjoy your day and have a wonderful weekend!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Happy 3rd Birthday Meridian

Dear Meridian,

Somehow I never thought this day would come. I mean I remember your older sister turning three, but when did you, my “baby” get to be this big? Sometimes I like to think back to when you were in my tummy. You hung out in my ribs a lot and made it hard for me to breathe. You rolled and kicked, moved and turned so much. Sometimes for fun, you like to try and pretend you are still in my tummy. That makes me laugh!

I don’t know how you do it, but somehow you always manage to make me laugh. Your cute little toothy smile, your scratchy, deep, Meridian voice, the way your eyes sparkle when you are off in your own world. I hope you never lose that zest for life baby. I pray that you would continue to see the world through those bright glasses and to change the world with that positive outlook on life.

Always making us all laugh!

Sometimes you try to be stumpy and stubborn and you often succeed. You mostly do that by telling us you can do everything yourself or demanding that you get a certain thing or your way. I know I’m not supposed to laugh but sometimes it is hilarious to hear your scratchy voice saying, “No, I only want to do it my way!”

For all that stubbornness, you sure do love to snuggle both mama and daddy. Your favorite is of course crawling into bed in the morning and nursing quietly as we sometimes both drift back to sleep. I love those times the most. The times when you aren’t demanding the world do things your way, rather you squeeze up against me and we snuggle and nurse. Something I never thought we would make it to a year on, and yet here we are finished with year three and you are not ready to quit quite yet, even though mama is feeling more than ready.

Meridian and I on Mother's Day

This morning, you woke up at 5 a.m. because there was a big thunderstorm. You crawled into bed with me, put your hands up over your ears and snuggled as close to me as possible. I stayed awake praying for you, and thinking back about 5 in the morning three years ago and about how fast your birth went. At 5:56, I quietly whispered “Happy Birthday” over you and then we both drifted back to sleep. When I woke up at around 8 a.m. and you were still sleeping, I looked over at you and realized once again how cute you are; tiny, petite, blonde curly hair, and a bundle of joy. You opened your eyes and told me, “Mom, I’m three; you need to sing me Happy Birthday.” So I did just that because I realize there aren’t too many more days like this with you and soon, all too soon, you will be grown up.

Days like today, it hits me that you most likely are our last baby that ever got to be in my tummy. For the first time, it really saddens me. Not because I miss being pregnant, but because there is something really special about having a baby inside and knowing that I am part of that life giving process. Knowing that you were that baby and that today you are three, makes me sad because life goes all too fast.

She's three!

I love you Meridian and pray that today and this next year would be amazing!



Friday, May 18, 2012

Happy 5th Birthday Zoelle

Dear Zoelle,

Today you turn 5! Five whole years old! I can hardly believe it! I know I say it every year in my letter to you, but time really is going too fast. 5 years ago on this night, I was laboring in a birth tub, hoping and praying that you would be born on the 17th because I love odd numbers. Instead, you made me labor all day long and into the early hours of the night before you were born.

Lately you have been asking me to hold you a lot, and I cherish it as much as I can. Let me hold you longer little one, for I know this time is all too short. You sit on my lap and with that smile only you have, you say to me, “Mom, do you know what?” and you go on to explain to me something you recently learned. You snuggle deep into my arms and ask me to read you a story. While we read, you play with my hair, the same as you have always done since you were just a tiny baby nursing at my breast.

Zoelle and I on Mother's Day

When you aren’t looking, I often just watch you or stare at you. You are beautiful! With your white blonde hair, gorgeous color of blue eyes, and that smile that can light up any room. I often catch myself singing Christina Aguilera’s song “Beautiful” to you. I don’t know why, but sometimes I think you need to hear that.

Your constant quest to learn more about life and all that surrounds you never ceases to amaze me. You love to learn, to read, to do math, to sing, to play piano. Lately, I have caught you climbing onto my lap while I’m reading a book on my Kindle, and I hear you quietly sound out the words. You are smart little one. Never take that for granted and always use it to help others.

Snuggling close to your sister.

This fall you are supposed to go off to Kindergarten. I say supposed to because I am having my doubts. Once again the doubts come because you are smart and because we now moved to the country. Plus when we aren’t stubborn with each other, it is a joy to teach you! Daddy and I are continuing to pray for God’s guidance in that area of your life. Same as we are in the other areas of your life.

One day when you read these letters, I hope and pray that my love for you comes through. I know I am not a perfect mama, and I know that we fight more than the other girls do with me. However, that doesn’t mean I love you less. Instead, I see so much of myself in you and it scares me a bit. I pray that God will use that drive, that spirit, that determination for Him.

She's five!
The next time you whisper to yourself, “I can do anything” like I heard you whispering softly as you snuggled up to me in bed this morning, know that you can, with God by your side honey, you can.

I love you and I’m praying for the best Happy Birthday ever!

Love, Mama

Monday, May 14, 2012

Saying Goodbye

This is it. The last hours, minutes, seconds, in the only house we have ever lived in since we got married almost 9 years ago. We brought all three of our babies home here. We had fights here, we had tears here, we had love here.

Memories of sitting on the front porch reading a book. Memories of nursing our sweet Z to sleep, laying her down and trying to sneak down our creaky wood stairs, only to hit the wrong spot, wake her up, and start all over again. Memories of Meridian sleeping in our room in a pack n' play for her naps. Memories of Xiomara shouting out "Mama" from her crib in the morning. Memories of baking together in the kitchen. Memories of me being 36 weeks pregnant with Zoelle and helping drywall our upstairs. Memories of working in the garden. Memories of walks around the neighborhood.

With the table gone, we ate our last breakfast at our house on the floor.

As I sit and think through all these memories and more, I am overcome with tears. Sitting in a now mainly empty house, I realize we really are moving. That last night may have been the last night for us to be in this house. I'm sad. It really is bittersweet. So many happy, joyful memories in this home we are leaving. Knowing I will have new wonderful memories in the new house, but different memories. But for today, my heart is a bit sad as I have to say goodbye to the old, to get ready for the new.

Also, just so my readers know that we do not have Internet at our new home. The only way we can get it is through satellite, which is more expensive for less use. So my posts may be sporadic from time to time. I will have my phone, but that is hard to post from. I'm a bit bummed, but know that my parents live close by and we are only 9 miles from town, so I can still use Internet when I am at one of those places.

Goodbye old house and the many memories with you and now we look forward to the new.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Just Like Auntie

When auntie has a baby in her tummy,

two little girls suddenly have a baby in their tummies.

They dress up in princess dresses to "look as beautiful as Auntie Gen".

Then the baby just, "pop, pop, pops, out" in the words of Meridian. And all is right in the world.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What I'm Into Right Now

On the web:

In which I admit that I couldn't be a Christian by myself

{Real, and in a way, painful to read as I can relate to it.}

Dear Trayvon's Mom

{Have the tissues handy as this one is incredibly eye-opening and touching.}

On my Kindle:

Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby's First Year

{I haven't started it yet, but I have heard SO many good reports on it that even if I don't have a "baby", I still want to read it.}

Grace-Based Parenting

{Another one that I haven't started yet, but that I have all set to go as I have heard awesome things about it.}

On my Spotify:

Payphone by Maroon 5

{I'll admit that watching The Voice each week has made me really, really like Adam Levine and I can't help but keep repeating the non-explicit version over an over as it is super catchy.}

Hold Me Together by Royal Tailor

{Kind of a poppy boy band, but super fun to listen to.}

In the Bible:

Psalm 91:2: "God, you're my refuge. I trust in you and I'm safe! That's right-he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards. His huge outstretched arms protect you-under them you are perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm." ~Message Translation

{Clinging to this promise of God right now in my life.}

What I'm Praying For:

Molly and Harper. My heart is breaking for these two people. Mom and daughter who have suffered two losses in the matter of a year. A husband, father, friend, and a daughter, sister, friend. Life is so very unfair at times! :(